Brain Shuffle, 7/27/08

-- If being an asshole is ever criminalized, and sentences doled out according to exactly how big of an asshole you are, we could put Drew Peterson behind bars for several lifetimes even without convicting him of the murders of his wives.

-- It's good to see Dominic DiAngi, the boy knocked unconscious by a foul ball at Wrigley a couple weeks ago, has recovered enough to throw out the first pitch on his 8th birthday Saturday. And it's really good to see that he understands that you don't want to short-hop that throw under any circumstances:



I think we have a baseball fan for life!

-- In honor of hockey at Wrigley, henceforth in this space, any time a Cubs player hits a home run in the Friendly Confines he shall be said to have "lit the lamp".

-- Screech, a.k.a. Dustin Diamond, is working on a tell-all book about his Saved By The Bell years. It's reported that his tale will include accounts of sex, drug use and other general fun times among the cast. I'm not sure anyone will be shocked to learn that such physical specimens as Tiffany-Amber Theissen and Mario Lopez acted on their hormones in their teenage years, but if I find out Belding was spoinking my sweetie Miss Bliss, I swear to god I'll have his ass in a sling.

-- Barack Obama met with British Prime Minister Gordon Brown on Saturday. He did not, unlike this guy, superglue himself to the man.