Ho Ho Ho? Hardee-Har-Har

Should we really be surprised that Bernie Mac could do such a thing? I mean, his track record is full of these sorts of incidents.

In case you missed it, “comedian” Bernie Mac told a joke that just wasn’t funny.

Normally this wouldn’t be news, except for the fact that it also contained a mild slur against women and it happened at a fundraising dinner for Barack Obama on Friday night here in Chicago. Apparently some of the people who paid $2,300 a plate were understandably miffed.

As near as I can piece together from news reports, here’s the joke:

Mac’s nephew asks him what’s the difference between a hypothetical question and a realistic question. He tells the young lad to ask his mother if she would sleep with the mailman for $50,000, a query to which the matron responds with a resounding “hell yes” (or words to that effect). Mac then instructs our young protagonist to pose the same scenario to his sister, who also answers in the affirmative. Armed with these revelations, the elder Mac bestows this insight upon his nephew: Hypothetically we have $100,000, but realistically we live with a couple of hos.

Do you see? Even with the benefit of the most scintillating narrative I could muster, this joke is flat-out not funny. It’s not un-funny because of the term “ho”; it’s un-funny because the joke’s internal logic implodes upon itself.

For one thing, there’s a lot of confusion in here over the “question” element. Mac uses the word in the setup, then proceeds with an actual question. This would lead you to believe that the mailman scenario is indeed either the hypothetical or realistic question, and leaves you waiting for the other one, to be followed by a payoff. None of this happens. Furthermore, Mac and nephew do not realistically live with a couple hos until such time as the mother and sister actually perform sexual favors on the mailman in exchange for consideration, so even absent any naughty words the punch line doesn’t make sense.

The resulting mud puddle of comedy serves only to magnify any offense conferred by the word “ho” -- which, realistically, is pretty far down on the list of most vulgar terms for a woman -- because you can only get away with offending your audience if you give them a reason to forgive you -- e.g., a punchline. That’s why, as everyone from Andrew “Dice” Clay to Martin Lawrence to Sarah Silverman eventually learns, saying “doodie” will never rescue a poorly constructed joke.

I would have counseled Mac to avoid the issue altogether, like this: My nephew came to me the other day and asked what’s the difference between “hypothetical” and “realistic.” Then he could continue with the rest of the joke mostly intact. It’s never going to be “A” material, but at least now the punch line is parallel to the setup, so you’ve given your audience a defense if they inadvertently laugh. (Oh, I meant avoid the issue of the conflicting “question” references, not the issue of calling women hos.)

If you’re starting to suspect that I’m more annoyed by Mac’s poor comedic abilities than his poor judgment, you’re right. I mean, if someone calls you a name, you can choose to ignore it. But if someone promises you a joke, tugging at your heartstrings with the tantalizing prospect of a morsel of laughter in your otherwise dreary and miserable life, and then doesn’t deliver -- well, that just shouldn’t happen. And I’m kind of serious about all this.

Also of note but far less important in all of this is Obama’s complicity in the matter. It’s been reported that Mac was a “surprise” opening act. I find it a little hard to believe that someone, even a famous person, could just jump up on stage and grab a mic with a bunch of killjoy Secret Service dudes lurking everywhere, so it’s almost certain Obama knew Mac would have performed. He may or may not have known what Mac was going to say, but even if he did, I don’t care. Mac is a performer, not a politician. I’m a lot more concerned, for example, about well-articulated but completely inappropriate shots at John McCain’s storied military service from Gen. Wesley Clark, who actually might write policy for Obama one day.